"Lost in Translation"

by Grey Lupous

kelsgrif said "This should be a challenge. They go to a world where everyone speaks french or something, or where everyone who goes on to that world starts speaking another language." And so it was.

So blame her. And Babelfish, (and my 4+ years in French at the high school and college level). I am in no way responsible, other than bowing down to the evil muse's will.

Summary: Why does everyone in Pegasus speak English anyway?

Author's Note: This is... unbeta'd. It might even qualify as a crack!fic, but I'm clean, I swear.

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"Je ne comprends pas, mon ami," the villager cocked his head to the side.

"...huh?" Sheppard blinked, then turned back to Teyla. "What'd he say?"

"Αυτό είναι περιπλέκοντας," Teyla replied.

"...what the hell?" Sheppard turned back to McKay. "What's going on here?"

"I, uh, don't know."

"Συνταγματάρχης Sheppard, τι σε Athos λέτε?" Teyla pleaded.

"This... this is strange."

"I know, isn't it?" McKay tapped his chin then turned to the villager. "Pour quoi est-ce vous parlez le francias?"

"Je ne parle pas le francais, je parle le langue de la Dasani!"

"Non, tu parle le francais!" McKay shouted back, then turned to Sheppard. "Tell him to start making sense!"

"How the hell can I? You're the one speaking in tongues!"

"It's not tongues, its French!"

"Since when can you speak French?"

"It's the second language in Canada. And shouldn't we be more concerned about some strange culture in another galaxy speaking French, but calling it Dasani, than my linguistic abilities?"

"What's Teyla speaking?"

"I don't know! It's all Greek to me!"

"Dit werkt niet voor me," Ronon rumbled from behind them.

"I almost understood that," Sheppard muttered softly. "McKay, why is everyone speaking... something else?!"

"How am I supposed to know that?"

"I thought you knew everything about everything."

"Not when it comes to... this!"

"Κανένας από σας δεν έχει οποιοδήποτε νόημα," Teyla crossed her arms, patience clearly wearing thin.

"Mijn zuster eenmaal beetje door een eland," Ronon shook his head.

"There's got to be some perfectly reasonable explanation why everyone was speaking clear English up to this point!"

"Plot hole? I don't know!" McKay flailed.

"Fix it!"

"How? With a babelfish plug-in for the Ancient scanner?"

"Bevestig dit McKay of ik zal u tot een boom vastbinden en zal u houd van een vis uithalen!" Ronon growled to the scientist, hand hovering near the hilt of his sword.

"I'm trying! I'm trying!" McKay shouted back as he pulled out the Ancient scanner, frantically inputting commands.

"You understood that?"

"I think he was very clear," Rodney indicated the sword with his head as he walked back to the gate, fingers still dancing on the tiny display.

"Ίσως πρέπει να κάνει κάτι με τη σχετικότητα του διαστήματος και του χρόνου όταν ταξιδεύουμε μέσω της πύλης," Teyla suggested.

"Not helping!" He motioned her to be quiet by using his hand to mime a mouth clamping shut at her.

"Ίσως αποτυχία μια ΚΑΠ στο γάιδάρο σας," she muttered darkly.

"McKay," Sheppard glanced nervously at the villager who was growing more agitated and confused as time went by, "maybe we should just go..."

"Ik moet werkelijk zeggen, bent u niet al behulpzaam dat."

"We can fix it in Atlantis."

"But, but—"

John gently guided the scientist to the DHD. "Now now Rodney, you can't fix every problem."

"I'm sure there's just a crystal misaligned in the DHD, or maybe a subroutine of the gate that—"

John rolled his eyes and quickly typed in the address to Atlantis, sending his IDC in.

"Just give me five more minutes!"

"Sure."

"Great!" McKay grinned as he stepped away from the DHD.

"In," Sheppard sighed and shoved Rodney through the wormhole. He regarded the rest of his team. "So... um, you're not getting any of this?"

"Nr," Ronon grunted.

"Αριθ."

"So I could say that Teyla has a real nice—"

"Το σκέφτομαι σοφό εσείς να μην τελειώσω εκείνο τον συνταγματάρχη πρότασης." Teyla sneered.

"Right, um, this way?" Sheppard quickly stepped through, afraid that Teyla might try to find a nearby stick to beat him with.

As they reemerged on the other side, he could see McKay frantically waving his arms at Beckett, shouting unintelligibly. Carson patronizingly pat him on the shoulder and approached Sheppard.

"I'm afraid Rodney's not making a lot of sense. Can you explain what happened there Colonel?"

"Che cosa?" Sheppard asked, then covered his mouth in horror. Inferno dell'aw!

~ A Extremidade ~