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"The Night of the Tentacle"
by Grey Lupous
Author's Notes: Thanks to Gayle for the quick and always helpful beta and suggestions. If anyone else knows what Maniac Mansion (and it's sequel) is, you're my hero. Everyone who doesn't, well, you just didn't grow up as dorky as me.
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"I feel like I've fallen into Maniac Mansion," Rodney
whispered.
"What?" Sheppard whispered back, annoyance straining the
quiet tone.
"You know, Maniac Mansion?"
Sheppard wasn't willing to stop creeping through the
darkened forest, but tossed a dark look over his
shoulder at his teammate, who was practically glued to
his back. "Want to back off a bit there, Scooby?"
Rodney frowned, but did not let go of his death grip on
Sheppard's tac-vest. "It already picked off Ronon and
Teyla. If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me!"
"For the last time, it did not grab them."
"Then why won't they answer the radio? Well I mean other
than the inevitable atmospheric interference."
"I think you just answered your own question."
Unfortunately the interference that was messing with
their radio communications also had rendered the life
signs detector useless.
"But—"
John checked the urge to ram his elbow into the
scientist and thus gain a little bit of breathing room.
If the uncomfortably close proximity kept the man from
screaming his head off the next time a mouse skittered
across the pathway... then perhaps he could stand a
little hovering. "We got separated, Rodney. If anyone
can take care of themselves on an alien planet it's
them."
"Meaning you doubt your ability to stay alive while
being stalked by a giant—"
"Enough. You were just imagining things," Sheppard
muttered through clenched teeth. "We're more likely to
run across a wraith in this bog than your video game
monsters."
"So you do know what Maniac Mansion is!"
"I do, and you were imagining it."
Something in the trees above them let out a high-pitched
shriek, and like any good soldier, so did McKay.
Suddenly the scientist's other hand was wrapped around
Sheppard's neck as McKay tried to jump on his friend's
back. "SAVE ME!"
"Get off!" Sheppard staggered forward a few steps,
before falling heavily to his knees. All noble and
charitable notions were forgotten as he pried the death
grip off of him, and he turned a withering gaze on
McKay. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
Rodney's eyes were wide as he studied the trees
fearfully. "I don't like swamps."
"It's a bog."
"What the hell is the difference?" Came the excited
shout.
Sheppard quickly hushed him using perhaps one the
dirtier tricks in his book. "Do you want it to
hear you?"
Rodney let out a soft eek as he covered his mouth,
quickly shaking his head.
"Then let's keep moving and don't make me enforce a
three-foot radius."
McKay scowled as if he really wanted to say something
about that, but remained quiet. John pulled himself to
his feet, pausing long enough to make sure that Rodney
was following, thankfully taking the three foot radius
to heart. He hefted his P-90 up, partially because his
nerves were on the edge, but also because he needed the
light.
"Did I mention that I don't like this planet?"
John shut his eyes and counted to ten, before finally
answering. "What part of 'be quiet' don't you
understand, McKay?"
"It's just, it stinks, and it ate Ronon and Teyla!"
"They're fine," he ground out, refusing to believe
anything else. "Now if you don't stop yammering I'm
going to gag you, maybe with my used set of socks!"
An annoyed grunt acknowledged that statement, and
satisfied, John returned his attention forward. The
jumper hadn't been an option as the swamp had
practically swallowed up the Stargate. Just like now,
Rodney had been adamant in his dislike of swamps and
general swamp-like environments. Teyla, however, had
heard of a people who lived on a planet much like this
one who were supposed to have great "powers". Elizabeth
had ignored Rodney's jeers of voodoo priestesses and
cleared the mission. They had arrived in daylight, or
relative daylight, as almost no sunlight could penetrate
the thick canopy that hung overhead. It had since
descended to darkness, and they were almost due to check
in. The planet's interference with radio signals would
only serve to worry Elizabeth, and prompt a rescue
mission that very well could get lost in the bog as
well.
"We just need to find our way back to the gate."
The statement was met with silence.
"Rodney?"
"What? You told me in no uncertain terms to shut up or
you would shove sweaty gym socks in my mouth! Make up
your mind!"
He would not strangle his teammate. He would not
strangle his teammate. He would not strangle his—
Rodney let out a blood curdling scream and latched onto
John's back again. The momentum pushed him forward
several steps, but he managed to keep his footing this
time. "Rodney..."
"Something touched my leg!"
John turned with some difficulty due to the death grip
on his tac-vest and swept the light from his P-90 over
the path. All he could see was the slightly moist packed
dirt that made up the natural path through the drier
area of the bog. "The only thing here is us, the trees,
and the echoes of your girly scream."
"That's not an echo," Rodney murmured worriedly and
clung tighter.
"Enough!" He shook the frightened man off of him and
whirled around to face him. "There's nothing but you,
me, and the mosquitoes!"
"You're right, because Ronon and Teyla would be here
too, but it ate them!"
"You know I don't find that amusing."
"You think I'm joking?" Rodney's voice climbed a few
octaves with the added hysteria. "It had teeth!"
The prospect of dunking McKay's head under the swampy
water that lined the path seemed much more appealing by
each passing moment. Of course there would be questions,
although with no witnesses around, why wouldn't they
take John Sheppard at his word? It was the perfect
crime.
"You're thinking about drowning me, aren't you?" McKay
asked sourly.
John looked away guiltily. "No."
Rodney snorted indignantly and pushed past Sheppard to
show his frustration. He pivoted back to face the pilot,
raising an accusatory finger. "And another thing..."
His voice trailed off with a squeak, eyes widening in
horror and slowly looked down to see that something long
and slippery had wrapped around his ankle. He snapped
his gaze back up Sheppard, voice almost a whisper. "Oh,
god."
The tentacle snapped back in a quick motion, dragging
McKay with him. John leapt forward, flinging out an arm
just in time to catch Rodney before he was dragged
underneath the murky water. This time, he didn't
begrudge the man his terrified shriek. John landed hard
on his stomach, feeling a whoosh of breath leave his
lungs. With his free hand he grabbed a root protruding
from the ground, anchoring himself to the shoreline, and
tugged Rodney back with his other arm.
"Hold on!"
"No, I thought I'd let go!" Rodney's knuckles were
almost white as he held onto Sheppard's jacket sleeve
like a lifeline. "I told you there was a giant
tentacle in here!"
"Sorry," John grunted, "next time you say something so
ridiculous, I'll believe you!"
"There's not going to be a next time!" McKay
whimpered.
"Good positive thinking there!"
"Oh god, what about the teeth?"
"How can a tentacle have teeth?" The ground beneath
Sheppard's stomach gave, and they were both pulled
towards the water a couple of inches. His grip on the
root was already slick with sweat, and he could feel
himself losing hold of his anchor.
"I most certainly saw something sharp and—" If possible,
Rodney paled more.
"What?"
Rodney swallowed heavily. "Something just wrapped around
my other ankle."
John's hand slipped from the root. A fleeting moment of
panic had him scrambling to grab it again. The thing
that had grabbed Rodney gave a quick yank, and John was
forced to grab a hold of McKay's tac-vest with his free
hand to keep from losing him altogether. "I've got you."
"I've left Carson my Doctor Who collection."
"What?"
"I was going to leave Teyla all that floofy Athosian
stuff she kept giving us, but since I'll be joining her
soon, make sure Elizabeth gets it."
"Rodney..."
"And Radek gets my Batman comics—"
"You said you were going to give those to me!"
"You let me get eaten by a giant tentacle. You get
nothing!" The last two words were practically
snarled. Rodney's waist was half-submerged in the water
now, and McKay's death grip had slipped from John's
sleeve to his jacket cuff.
"You're still with me," Sheppard growled, feeling his
fingers starting to go numb. He had been dragged almost
to the edge of the water and was still losing ground by
each passing moment. "So why don't we just focus on that
and—"
His rousing speech was cut off by Rodney's startled
yelp. The fingers that had been clinging to him lost
their grip, and with a great tug McKay was pulled out of
his grasp. He watched, stunned, as Rodney's head
disappeared under the water.
McKay had just been abducted by a giant tentacle. That
was going to be an interesting report for the SGC to
read.
"Shit." His mind finally caught up to the
situation. "Hold on, Rodney!"
John tossed away his sidearm, shrugged out of his tac-vest,
and drew his knife. He eyed the murky water with
trepidation for only a moment before taking a deep
breath and diving in. He tried not to think about the
long rant he'd heard earlier about microbes and flesh
eating bacteria as he descended into the darkness. He
kept his eyes open as he made long, powerful strokes,
frantically searching through the muddy depths for his
missing teammate.
It was hard to make out anything down there, but a
flurry of movement further below grabbed his attention.
He swam towards it, legs kicking wildly and arms trying
to grab water to eat up the space between him and what
he hoped was Rodney. His lungs were already starting to
burn and the filthy water made his eyes sting.
As he got closer and deeper, the water started to clear
a little, as if all of the muck was drifting up top. He
could now clearly see McKay flailing about. A third
tentacle had entered the mix and had wrapped itself
around his torso, rendering his struggles almost
useless.
John closed in the distance, grabbing onto McKay with
one hand to anchor himself. Without hesitation he sunk
the knife into the thick limb holding his friend. The
water around him churned as the tentacles began
thrashing about, mixing the freshly spilled blood with
the already murky water. Only his grip on McKay kept him
from losing the scientist in the fray. A muted shriek
emanated from somewhere beyond the chaos.
The burning in his lungs and eyes was almost unbearable
now. He adjusted his grip on Rodney and began paddling
with renewed force towards the surface. McKay was almost
a dead weight, but John couldn't worry about that,
because he wasn't even sure he was heading in the right
direction. His leaden arms were getting harder to move
and darkness was starting to edge at the corners of his
vision.
Then his head broke the surface and he gulped in sweet
breaths of precious air. He blinked rapidly, trying to
clear the muddy water from his eyes as he heaved in deep
breaths. The weight on his arm started to drag him
under, and for one thoughtless moment he almost let go.
Then his wits caught up with him and John used his other
arm to drag Rodney up to the surface. Legs furiously
kicking, he slowly made his way to the shoreline.
He reached the slope that led to the shore and heaved
McKay onto the relatively dry land before
unceremoniously flopping onto his back. John clenched
his eyes shut, hoping to block out the burning. He would
rinse them out with the water from his canteen once he
got the energy to start moving again.
Next to him, the still scientist came to life with a
sputter of coughing. John forced his exhausted body into
motion and pushed himself up, opening his eyes to see a
McKay-like blob thrashing around on the ground. Risking
an elbow to the face, he helped the struggling man up
into a sitting position. Rodney pushed him away and fell
forward on his hands as a shudder ran through his body.
He retched, hacking up swallowed swamp water.
John waited until the scientist was done expelling the
contents of his stomach before he spoke again, his own
voice raw from the experience. "You all right?"
A painful whimper was his reply, and he took that as the
closest to a yes that could be mustered up at this
point. Vision still swimming, he tried to drag Rodney
away from the shore-line, just in case the tentacles
decided to return for another round. He tripped along
his tac-vest on the way and grabbed it so he could begin
his own first aid.
They reached the relatively drier path and collapsed
into a heap.
"Twenty Thousand Leagues," Rodney muttered quietly.
John had found the canteen and had been about to upturn
the contents of it into his eyes when he heard the
statement. "What?"
"That was so much closer to Twenty Thousand Leagues than
Maniac Mansion."
He grunted an agreement and poured the canteen over his
face. The water was cold, the shock of it rousing his
tired mind some. It seemed to help his eyes, and the
burning receded to a mildly irritating sting. He blinked
at the blurry figure in front of him. "So..."
"What?" Rodney asked wearily.
"Do I get Batman now?"
Rodney muttered something unintelligible and leaned
against one of the many trees lining the path. A harsh,
wet sounding cough escaped him. John tried to push past
his weariness and own aches and focus on getting back to
the gate. The problem was he wasn't sure where they were
heading before the whole near-drowning incident.
"We are so screwed," Rodney mumbled hoarsely.
"We're not," John said gamely, propping himself against
another tree so that he and McKay were sitting shoulder
to shoulder.
"Your hopeless optimism is giving me a headache," the
mumbling was growing quieter.
John closed his eyes, feeling weariness trying to drag
him down. He knew they needed to get moving again, but
the fight with the tentacles had drained him. A sharp
nudge to his side roused him and he opened bleary eyes
to fix the scientist with an annoyed stare. "What?"
"Am I hallucinating from swallowing swamp water?"
John dragged his head up to see where Rodney was
pointing, and felt a smile tug at his lips. "I hope
not."
Cutting a swath through the foliage and looking only
slightly ruffled was Ronon, followed closely by Teyla.
John lifted a hand in greeting. "'bout time you guys
joined the party."
"We apologize," Teyla glanced behind her almost
nervously. "After we were separated, Ronon and I were...
detained."
As they got closer John could see splatterings of red
decorating their clothing, and he sat up straighter.
"What the hell happened?"
"A giant flying mammal decided that Ronon and I would
sustain its appetite."
The Satedan flashed a grin. "I disagreed."
Teyla rolled her eyes dramatically, a bad habit she had
picked up from Rodney. "Yes, Ronon's enthusiasm was a
little much for the situation."
"A vampire bat?" Rodney's voice was still strained.
"You're kidding me."
Ronon eyed his two soaked, exhausted teammates. "What
happened to you?"
"Giant tentacle," John said by way of explanation and
started to pull himself to his feet.
"Man-eating tentacle," Rodney corrected with a shudder.
He was content to just die where he was, and made no
attempts to stand.
Teyla glanced at the shoreline. "I do not think it wise
to remain here. This world is very dangerous."
"And a Halloween cliché." Rodney moaned miserably. He
fully expected a witch riding a broomstick to come
flying out of the trees at any moment now.
"C'mon, McKay." John offered a hand to help the other
man to his feet. "Unless you and the Kraken want to
renew your acquaintance."
Rodney grabbed the proffered hand and was hauled to his
feet. "You're so not getting Batman."
"Hey! I dove in after you!"
"If you had listened to me in the first place there
would have been no need to!"
"The Stargate is this way," Ronon rumbled, trying to cut
off a long tirade.
"Yes," Teyla said sweetly, stepping in between the two
Earth men, "why don't we just go home?"
"But he—" Rodney started.
"Oh, no it was you—"
She propelled both of her teammates forward with a
none-too-gentle push, effectively cutting them off. The
four Atlanteans disappeared into the brush, not noticing
that a long slippery appendage had crept out of the
water and began tracing their path.
End
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